A Million-Dollar Baby: The Thrilling Story of a Sex Doll

The first sex dolls popped up in Holland back in the 17th century. Well, not in Holland itself, but on ships carrying Dutch sailors. They spent so much time out at sea that they were desperate for a woman’s touch. And what else were they supposed to do if not craft a mistress with their own hands? The French called them dame de voyage, and the Spanish dama de viaje. They were literally made from whatever was lying around, like sewing old clothes together to look like a woman. To be honest, nobody was aiming for a realistic likeness.

The Dutch got so good at it that they basically created a trademark. They sold these dolls to the Japanese, who even started calling them "Dutch wives."

Of course, the first official records of sex dolls came much later. In 1908, German sexologist Iwan Bloch wrote:

"In this connection, we may refer to acts of adultery with artificial imitations of the human body or individual parts thereof. True geniuses of pornographic technology live in this realm—clever mechanics who, with the help of rubber and plastic, are capable of crafting a male or female body that serves depraved purposes as hommes or dames de voyage. Their genitalia are executed most precisely, even simulating the secretion of the Bartholin glands, which is placed inside the doll in the form of oil."

Throughout the 20th century, these simulacra went through several "evolutionary" leaps. By the 1970s, vinyl, latex, and silicone had become the go-to materials for making sex dolls, and their faces and bodies became way more realistic than when it all started.

Any shape and size

Yeah, this is technically a sex doll too: it's got arms, legs, and, well, the most essential body parts. Plus, you could probably use it as a trash bag in a pinch. A "beauty" like this costs around a thousand rubles—just make sure to keep the cat away from her.

Next up on our doll menu: inflatable dolls.

Their standout feature is that you can take them on vacation to Yalta and float on them in the pool while sipping a cocktail, to the delight of the other tourists. The upside to these dolls is that they're super compact and easy to wash. The downside? Everything else. They're not particularly attractive and completely unresponsive little things.

That said, even among inflatable sex dolls, there are a few "beauty queens."

And kings.

And here's our personal favorite:

A step up from that are silicone dolls. They're usually pretty big (starting at 160 cm) and heavy—around 30 kg. The upside is that you can customize them: pick their eye color, hair, and outfits. Remember when you were a kid, cutting out paper doll silhouettes and trying paper dresses on them?

Dolls with unrealistic proportions also belong to this same category.